People always ask me if more people come to counseling around the holidays. The answer is typically yes.  They often guess it is because people tend to get depressed around the holidays because they don’t have family to celebrate with, when typically the reverse is more often the case. People are coming in because now they have to deal with some of the family issues that they have been trying to avoid for most of the year! 

Some are simple stressors from Where to celebrate? How much time are we going to be traveling? At what age do we stop buying presents for cousins and nieces and nephews?

And of course there are more difficult issues? How do you tell your parents you won’t be able to visit them? How to handle a loved one who is celebrating their first Christmas after a death? How do you handle celebrating with someone who may be celebrating his or her last Christmas? What do you do if your spouse will not go to celebrate with his/her in laws?

Most extended family gatherings will posses some stress and knowing that going in will alleviate some stress.  Here are some basic concepts for dealing with stress in the holidays.

Knowledge: Remember that you have a vast amount of knowledge about your family and how they work. Use that to your advantage in order to side step a number of issues, which can cause trouble. Sometimes, avoiding battles is a healthy decision.

Expectations: Keep your expectations realistic and reasonable. A lot of stress in family gatherings typically comes from expectations that are not realistic.  If your family only gets together two times a year, do not expect a lot of feelings to be shared. If you don’t get along with a relative do not expect that person to drop all bad feelings just because it is the Holidays?

Self Confidence: Remember that your worth as a person is not hinging on the turkey you baked, the gift you gave, or how much fun others have.